Crisp, crunchy lettuce (romaine, kale, little gem, maybe throw some radicchio into the mix)

Pre-chopped lettuce, or long uncut leaves? Could go either way, depends on the context and the vibe.

Great croutons (homemade obvi); maybe breadcrumbs if they’re excellent

Layers of parmesan: in the dressing, finely grated and mixed in post-dressing, shaved on top, dare I ask for a parmesan crisp?

Well dressed

Good garlic and lemon flavor—it’s gotta be assertive otherwise it’s just a basic salad

Bold anchovy flavor (haters gon’ hate but they’re wrong)

Option to add a protein: grilled chicken, crispy chicken, grilled shrimp?!?!, bacon

Hella black pepper, freshly ground

Acceptable flourishes: make it spicy, capers?, thinly sliced shallots

Unacceptable flourishes: tomatoes, onions, tahini, store-bought grated parmesan (the stuff that looks like thin pieces of spaghetti bits), carrots, arugula base, Brussels sprouts base?